Cue the anxiety

"You seem so calm..."

Yes, and until recently, aside from the occasional mini-meltdown at home as different personalities learn to live with each other again, I have remained relatively calm during this wedding planning process. Maintained a positive front, but underneath there is a slowly churning whirlpool of anxiety that is gaining in speed.

While I have not blogged about it, I have had minor altercations with almost every member of my immediate family since this thing started. But as family altercations come they also go. Family altercations I can weather.

Dealing with unresponsive vendors (or extended family members) whom have already committed to participation, received a deposit, or full payment is another issue all together. Return phone calls and emails people!! This is not too much to ask for. Or is it?? Have I become *gasp* Bridezilla??? God, I hope not. This is the one scenario I have truly tried to avoid.

It's crunch time. I am in the process of nailing down the logistics of the day before and day of our "little pachanga", which really ain't so little once everything is said and done.

My fabulous hair stylists/florist who I was supposed to meet today for flower talk has not returned my calls or confirmed a time. During our few encounters I have caught on that this guy is b-u-s-y. His mind is racing with creative energy and he lives a life of glamour and drama. Fine. I have no doubt that he will produce a bouquet the afternoon of the wedding when I get my hair done, but due to his lack of communication I cannot confirm any of this, which means I will have to order some flowers and make a bouquet as I had previously planned just in case my no-doubt-attitude fails me. If anything else, there will be an extra flower arrangement/bouquet.

The band. The rockin' band that I so enjoy. I need to know when they will arrive at my house so that they can get set up in time for the party to begin. I need to know what they need in terms of outlets, extension chords etc. I need to tell the last-minute wedding crew(none of who are members of my immediate family, because we will all be at the church)when to be at the house to greet these people. I need the band to call me back. I need the band to make contact.

The minister. I need peace of mind that she will actually be at the rehearsal when we agreed upon. I just need to confirm that this event is indeed in her calender and there is no risk of her forgetting.

For the people responsible for the ring bearer. I need confirmation that we will be able to pick this child up Friday afternoon so that he can participate. I would like to know that our family did not purchase his attire in vein.

Basically I have this looming fear that my family will show up at the church on the night of the rehearsal and there will be no ring bearer, no minister or that 100+ people will be standing around my parents' house in awkward silence.

Is scheduling confirmation less than two weeks from the day of too much to expect? Am I being unreasonable? Should I wait until the week of to confirm?? As quickly as all these worst-case scenarios enter my train of thought I usher them out. While I realize their intentions are good, their crazy manic energy only heightens my sense of dread.