FAT...and no I didn't mean Phat

It's official. I am a fat pregnant person. At my last prenatal appointment I was told I needed to slow down on my consumption. It's true, I did fall off the wagon during that past several weeks. A snickers bar here, a snickers bar there, some ice cream in the evenings...my sweet tooth cravings have been out of control. It's not that wasn't still eating my fruits and vegetables, it's just that I was also supplementing with sugary and salty snacks. Did I mention the french fries and occasional hot dog...and a cheeseburger. I know!!! It's shocking and disappointing and just all around bad juju.

Up until three weeks ago I have been doing really well and on track for everything. I had been eating right, engaging in just the right amount of physical activity. My weight gain, glucose, iron, blood pressure, and funal height were all on target. So I rewarded myself one day. That's when I fell of the wagon and succombed to my cravings. I took all my positive progress for granted and am now suffering the consequences.

First it was the prenatal massage, followed by the Wendy's french fries and Sprite. I figured I had earned it. Then I gave myself a break on the swimming and yoga that week. I justified this by telling myself all the walking I do to and from class three days a week and walking between lab visits was enough exercise and I could take a week off from the other stuff. In the meantime, while taking my prenatal fitness hiatus, I gave in to the ultimate craving. Snicker bars. My mom craved these while she was pregnant too. It was all so meaningful. A story I could share. And the graduate students in my department sell them for .50. Which is .25 cheaper than the vending machines. I hardly ever have three quarters on me, but two I can always manage to scounge up. Then there were the Krispie Kreme donut holes that Casey rbought home one day. These things give me killer heartburn and make me feel awful afetrwards, even when I am not pregnant; but I figured what the heck, they ARE there, might as well eat them. My gestational diabetes test was good so I figured I could splurge a little on the sugar. What's the worse that could happen and I don't look that big.

Then I started to get strange comments. "Wow, you have really popped out these last couple of weeks." My favorite comments came from my husband and brother-in-law. The night before my most recent appointment I asked my husband if I he thought I looked too big. I was starting to definitely feel bigger but wasn't really seeing it. "Well, it's starting to show a little bit in your face, but not really," he said. What the?!?! My face?!!? I was expecting him to validate my own findings, that I have gained some weight in my usual "problem areas", my arms and back. I very recently started to finally notice change in my thighs and deriaire, but not my face. Then when my BIL came over for dinner I told him about my previous appointment and how my weight gain was right on target for 26 weeks - 15 pounds. He looked at my swelling belly and said, "Fifteen pounds?!?! No way, that thing looks like a bowling ball and more like 30 pounds!" I knew he was just giving me a hard time and was not to be taken seriously. But still...the comment kind of stuck.

So yesterday I had my 29 week appointment. My fundal height measurement is 32cm and my weight gain....a whopping 7.5lbs. An eye brow rose from above my CNMs glasses. I mumbled something about falling off the wagon a bit and maybe having a couple of Snickers bars. This brings my total weight gain to 23 lbs. For my body type and pregnancy history we were estimating a healthy 25 pounds TOTAL. I have 11 weeks to go and a lot of baby growth left. Yikes. I'm on probation. I go back in 2 weeks and if I don't have "normal" growth between now and then, then I'm really in the dog house. I'm not sure what would happen if I have two weeks in a row of growth like this. I wasn't expecting to be one of "those" patients. The uninformed. The unaware. The one that needs a lecture on nutrition. This is what I get for my haughtiness. This is one of God's way of telling me to get off my high horse. I just know.

I am so disappointed in myself. How could I let this happen. Seriously. So I'm back on the wagon. Veggie stir fry and brown rice, whole grain sandwiches, fruits, veggies, moderate exercise, vitamins, etc.

Fear. Anxiety. "What have I done?" "What if I made my baby obese?!?!?!" This is my current state. I'm a bad mother. And to make matters worse I have become a nag. I really really really try not to be. I do. Honest. But it seems like everything gets on my nerves and I feel like I am constantly cleaning and trying to maintain some sense of organization and orderliness in my home. I feel that my efforts are mostly undermined, unappreciated and unnoticed. I have become stressed. Bless his heart I know my husband tries. He does wonderful things like rubs my aching back, let's me drag him to the theatre, and surprises me with a "bouquet" of flower seeds and peet moss crates for Valentine's Day, and makes me pancakes. I totally forgot about those pancakes. I had them three days in a row. Yikes. What was I thinking???

Its official. I am a bad mother and a bad wife.




28 weeks 2 days