March 11, 2009
I started writing this blog last Thursday, thinking it would be more of a “Bedrest Chronicle.” Gavin had other plans. Everything about my pregnancy and birthing experience has been unplanned so I am not terribly surprised that my original plan for this blog also went the way of the Dodo bird.
Looking back I can say that my labor probably began last Monday. I had back pain and contractions, but certainly did not think it was labor. My pregnancy has been marked with chronic back pain and sciatica from the beginning and I started feeling my Braxton Hicks contractions toward the end of my first trimester. While my back pain was more persistent, than it had been previously, I chalked it up to another day being pregnant and nothing unusual.
By Tuesday the back pain had subsided enough for me to notice a pattern in my contractions. During the morning I was having about two contractions per hour. It was also my new patient appointment with my future OB/GYN, who I was referred to by my new GP/Pediatrician. I told her about my contractions and pregnancy history and she said it isn’t anything to worry about unless I notice the contractions increase to four or more per hour. By 2:30 pm my contractions were 5-7 minutes apart and while not excruciating they were definitely painful. It felt like gas cramps. It took me a while to accept that maybe something about this was unusual and I should call my midwife. When I told her my symptoms she said I should go to the hospital and that she would call ahead and make sure they knew I was coming and had copies of all my prenatal records, etc. I still didn’t quite grasp the urgency of the situation until I asked her if this could wait until 5:00 after I got off work. She said no and that I needed to go immediately. I drove myself to the hospital and a friend of mine followed me there.
At the hospital, after being admitted into the triage, the nurses checked my fetal fibronectin and my cervix. The fetal fibro came back negative and my cervix was not dilated. I was sent home, told to take it easy and that my contractions were probably just Braxton-hicks. The fetal fibronectin test will indicate whether a woman will give birth within a 2-week time period 95% of the time. I stayed in bed the rest of the evening. Casey set up one of our laptops on our dresser and we watched our last Netflix DVD of Dexter.
At 1:30 AM, Wednesday morning, I was woken by the contractions. On a scale of 0-10 the pain was probably a 5-6 and increasing in intensity. By 3:00 AM the contractions were 5-7 minutes apart. I called the midwife. I had a prenatal appointment scheduled for 5 PM later that day and considered just waiting until then to deal with the situation. Good thing I called the midwife when I did. She called in a prescription of terbutaline and Casey drove to the pharmacy to get it. An hour after taking the terbutaline I was still having contractions. My contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and were significantly more painful, but still not excruciating and there were no “pushing” sensations.
We arrived at the hospital around 6:00 AM. I was dilated 4 cm. Yikes! The nurse told me I must fall in the 5% of people whose fetal fibronectin test does not indicate labor. Figures. Needless to say I was immediately admitted as an in-patient, hooked to an IV of magnesium sulfate, antibiotics and hydration fluids and given a shot of steroids. My right arm was for IV and my left arm was for drawing blood, which would happen regularly for the next 48 hours.
I was still operating under the impression that if I was in premature labor I still had a 2-week window before giving birth. When I asked the doctor to clarify what he meant when he said the baby may “come soon” and he said possibly today if we don’t get your contractions to slow down I started sobbing. I was terrified and stunned and totally caught off guard. How could I possibly have this baby today when my birthing class didn't start until the next day. It felt similar to when we found out we were pregnant the day before our preconception consultation. A pattern of unpredictability with this child has definitely emerged.
I started running through a mental list of all the things I had planned to do that day. I simply had no time to give birth. I had thank you cards left unaddressed at home, more tinkering to do in the nursery, a breast feeding class to schedule, bills to pay, errands to run, a midterm review and of course my midterm on Friday. Seriously, this was no time to have a baby. In my mind I was telling myself that MY baby is due in May, nine weeks and one day away. I need more time. This is not happening.
The doctor told me they would try and get me to my 36th week and until then I would be on bed rest, but at minimum they needed to keep me pregnant for at least 48 hours so that the steroids would have an opportunity to expedite Gavin’s lung development, and not to worry because they don't "lose" babies at 31 weeks. Well I would certainly hope not, shouldn't you know where the babies are at all times?
By 8:30 AM I was across the hall in my cell. The Mag appeared to be working. My contractions had slowed down considerably. Unfortunately as the day wore on the Mag began having a terrible effect on me. I became incapacitated, nauseated, and extremely loopy. They had to hook me up to a catheter and eventually decrease my dose.
By Thursday I was feeling much better, but was also “tied down”. When I asked the doctor what my chances were of being taken off the catheter so I could at least walk myself to the bathroom he basically told me “fat chance.” He said he would consider it on Friday (the 48-hour deadline) depending on my progress, etc. So I passed the time reading magazines/books, talking on the phone, writing in my pregnancy journal, trying to do some work remotely, psurfin' the Net and visiting with my mother-in-law and Casey. I was not allowed to lie flat on my back or sit up too far. It was the longest 24 hours ever. The good news was my contractions had slowed down to 1 or 2 an hour. We all thought I was in the clear, but also in for a long hospital visit. I had contacted the IT person at work and was all set to start working from my hospital bed as the weeks drug on.
Fast forward to 4:00 Friday morning. I awoke to a somewhat painful contraction. It was probably a 7 on the pain scale. There was still no pushing sensation but I alerted the nurse nonetheless. Around 6:00 AM Casey helped me brush my teeth, wash my face, brush my hair, pull back a pony tail, put on my earrings and wedding ring and some deodorant. I was ready to sit in bed for another day, but at least I would feel more “fresh”. I continued to have contractions, about 4 or 5 an hour until 7:00 AM. The last couple of contractions were an 8 on the pain scale and there was definitely a pushing sensation. Keep in mind during the last 48 hours my water never broke and I never had any bloody discharge. The doctor came in around 7:15 AM, just as the nurses were changing shifts. He checked my cervix and to everyone’s surprise I was fully dilated. He said, “you are fully dilated, we’re having this baby right now. Let’s sit you up so you can start pushing.” “Can I have an epidural?” “Sorry dear, there isn’t any time. Your baby will be here shortly.”
Immediately I began sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. My adrenaline went through the roof. This was so not on my list of things to do on Friday. It was as if Gavin gave the doctors exactly 48 hours for the steroids to do their work and then decided he would resume being born. God forbid his plans be interrupted. Apparently he wasn’t impressed with the water birth idea. He just wanted to be born ASAP and skip the whole warm bath thing. I hope he grows out of that, or we'll be dealing with one stinky little boy.
Exactly 45 minutes, and three or four hardy pushes later, Gavin Mann Morrison made his appearance. The doctor had to break my water with an instrument that looked like a crochet needle. The nurses gave me a crash course in birthing, breathing, and pushing. One nurse politely suggested I should use all the energy I was expending on screaming on more pushing. I tried to heed her advice, but it was difficult. I am proud to say there was no cursing. Mostly I screamed, “Oh God, Oh God! It hurts, it hurts! Get him out, get him out!” And then it was all over. He came out crying and Casey and I were allowed to hold him for a couple of minutes before he was rushed down to the NICU. I am so grateful for having an opportunity to hold our newborn baby.
The uterine cramping that followed was more painful and lasted longer than the labor and delivery. The nurses administered some pain medication and I went to sleep for a few hours; and that's the end of Gavin's birth story. I took an unexpected five days off of work. It was surreal to leave the hospital. The whole world was different. Casey and I "celebrated" our first anniversary on Sunday, the day I was discharged.
During those five days I was sequestered in the hospital the temperature rose 30 degrees, the Sawyer magnolias, Bradford pear trees and wild daffodils bloomed. Gavin literally arrived with the Spring. During my pregnancy he was always most active in the mornings, and I usually felt my contractions in the morning too. I was not that surprised he was born at 8:00 AM. Ready to start the day, ready to start his life, on time, on his own terms.
As for mom and dad, we are adjusting to not being pregnant anymore. My maternity clothes are too big, my regular clothes are too small and nothing is appropriate for nursing. My boobs have been traumatized by the breast pump, but the good news is I manage to express some milk, which is essential for Gavin's progress. In a couple of weeks once his sucking reflex has developed and his mouth is a little bigger we'll practice latching on. In the meantime I feel like a dairy cow. I've returned to work parrtime, because I'll go crazy hanging out at home with no baby. When I am not at work, I am in the NICU, getting to know my son. Casey either goes alone or we go as a family for the bedtime visiting hours. We are very tired.
At times I am sad that I am no longer pregnant. I still cradle my slightly swollen belly expecting to feel Gavin move inside me. I sometime catch myself waddling, out of habit I think, and every time I feel a cramp or pain in my abdomen I immediately think I may be having a contraction. Other times it all feels like a dream,the pregnancy and the birth, because there is still no baby at home. But we’ll be ready for him when he decides he is done growing in his tiny plastic box and we’ll love him and hold him as long as he’ll let us. I just hope he gives us a solid 17-20 years before he decides to take his adventure by the horns. I have a funny feeling holding him back before he’s ready will be a challenge.
