My journey into motherhood thus far

Gavin isn't sleeping at night. My son is nocturnal. Maybe it was all that gothic vampire literature I read years ago. He sleeps some nights, maybe 2-3 times a week he sleeps in 2-3 hour intervals, but the rest of the time he is "up...all night!". I put that last bit in quotes, because every time I use that phrase I think of those Barbie twins from about 20 years ago that used to host a late-night television show. I can't recall the network, does anyone else remember what I am talking about? Anywho, everyday I start out with this list of goals I hope to accomplish. Some working online, errands to run, finish the laundry, work in the garden, grow my yard sale pile, home remodeling projects to complete, exercise routines to begin, etc. etc. But everyday starts slow as I am feeding Gavin and then napping between his feedings to catch up on the sleep I missed during the night. So by the time I actually get going with the day it's well into the afternoon and then the day flies by. Before I know it Casey is home, it's evening again and the whole routine starts over. I probably shouldn't even be writing this blog.

No new pictures because they are all the same. Baby sleeping. Baby opening his eyes. Baby making cute baby face. Baby sleeping on Daddy's chest. You get the idea. I don't want to bore you guys with the same pose just a different onesie.

We planted our vegetable garden a few weekends ago. About 10, 10ft. rows. Corn, spinach, lettuce, tomatoes, jalepenos, green peppers, red peppers, green beans, cucumbers, carrots, onions, pumpkin, okra, dill, cilantro, thai basil, basil...I may be forgetting something. I also planted wild flowers along the garden's edge and in my front raised flower bed, along with the hydrangea that was a hospital gift when Gavin was born. Everything is sprouting, but you can't tell what anything is yet, so I'll save those pictures for later as well.

Initial thoughts on motherhood. I love my baby and cherish this time we have together, BUT I am still not one to go all goo-goo over babies in general. Don't get me wrong, I love all babies and am always excited when a friend or family member is expecting. And I always look forward to meeting new people, and you can't get any newer than just being born, ya know what I mean? But I don't sit around dreaming up baby names and before Gavin I didn't wonder what my future baby would look like or pine away for my future mate so I can fast forward into motherhood, etc. I guess I always considered and still do consider family and babies as individual experiences in a life full of experiences, not necessarily THE experience. Does that make sense, without sounding too matter of fact about something as meaningful as motherhood and parenting? I thought this outlook might change once my own baby was born but it hasn't. Maybe it will over time.

I find myself looking forward to my return to work. I was scared I would not want to go back to work and then fall into a deep depression. But I am reminded of all that I miss and then I feel I have something additional to look forward to. In addition to getting to know and watching my very own little person grow. I feel kind of guilty for looking forward to going back to work.

Turns out, I miss my work environment. I miss actually accomplishing things! I miss my lunchtime excursion where I can jog 4 miles, go swimming or go to a yoga class, or walk to the gardens and eat my sandwich among the flowers and birds or take in a thought-provoking seminar at the university center. Not to mention the people. I miss the adult interaction and exposure to interesting people, learning and research, etc. I love my blog but I like exchanging stories and experiences in person even better.

We have made in-home infant care arrangements through one of our community churches, a connection we made via a NICU nurse. We are still on the waiting list at a couple children academies, one of which is on campus.

Every day we get to know our son a little more. His expressions, whether he likes long walks on the beach, his eggs scrambled or fried, etc. You know, the usual get-to-know-someone stuff. I am pretty sure he gets annoyed with all the kissing. I can't seem to help myself. I find all of him incredibly kissable. Especially his chipmunk cheeks. He may be annoyed now but I am certain he'll think me later when he starts traveling internationally. He will call me one day from a little phone booth in Argentina or Spain and say "Mama, gracias para siempre me besando cuando fui un bebé. Por todas partes el mundo todos besan y yo me siento como queda en muy bien." I think that's right. Someone might have to double check my translation. So you see, my son is well on his way to being a citizen of the world.

We are a breastfeeding/bottle feeding/pumping family. My milk supply never made drastic improvements despite all my efforts and he missed out on a lot of third trimester bone-making material so we have to supplement his diet with 22-calorie, iron-fortified formula. This is hard on his digestive system. He gets this little grimace on his face and cries because he has painful gas and only poops once a day. All I can do is hold him, give him belly massages and burp him. It does comfort me to see how comforting it is for him to be held and spoken to while he suffers through something I take for granted everyday. Our next appointment with the pediatrician is in a week or so. Hopefully we can start him on a different formula. In the meantime I am not sure how long I'll keep up with this breastfeeding and pumping routine. I enjoy nursing as it gives me and Little Mann a quiet, peaceful time to bond. He is so calm when we nurse. He opens his little peepers and just quietly looks around and ponders life's wonders and then drifts off into his baby slumber. He snuggles into my chest and I can feel his little feet move, it reminds me of when I was pregnant.

On the other hand I know he doesn't actually get much food out of the whole ordeal and it takes me all day to accumulate 2 oz. of milk. I take this breastfeeding journey one day at a time. Every day I decide if it's something I am going to continue or not and so far every day I have.

Sleeping arrangements, another controversial parenting topic. Just like the feeding, you could call us a combination sleep family. We use whatever we need to get him to sleep and to get us to sleep. That means he sleeps in one of three places: his crib, his bassinet or snuggled up next to one of his parents. Before he was born we had grand plans to "train him early" and start developing him into an independent person, blah blah blah blah. He's an infant. The most vulnerable and helpless mammal out there. If the kid needs some human touch and warmth to help soothe him then who am I to deny him. I guess my parenting philosophy is falling more in line with the whole "attachment parenting" movement. Can I call it a movement? It feels like common sense parenting and frankly it seems cruel and unusual to force an infant to suffer through discomfort and solitude. Surely there are plenty of other opportunities to develop his character an instill independence.

During the day I wear him often and when I am not wearing him he is either napping in his crib or the play pen we have set up in the living room. I've mastered how not to get crumbs all over his head when I am eating and wearing him at the same time. I have also mastered one-hand typing and the ear-shoulder hold when I have him over my shoulder and need both hands, I imagine this will not be possible when he starts wiggling more, which is just around the corner. He already puts weight on his feet and pushes himself across his crib or off my lap! So that's us in a nutshell. Stat tuned for more highlights from the Morrison Parenting Experiment...er I mean Experience.