Keeping a promise to myself

Three years ago, when I started on this career change journey, I made a promise to myself. I said, "this time I will be much more thoughtful about the academic and professional choices I make. I will explore my options and be true to that tiny voice that comes from deep inside my innards."

And thus began this journey, one step at a time. Some steps were huge and felt more like jumping off the edge of a cliff. Some are small and make me feel all warm and secure.

This week I had two voices in my head. And based on what they say, I believe I am still in limbo. *sigh* Chemistry is coming to an end. Next semester I will finish up Biology and make-up the Environmental Ethics course I had to drop when Gavin was born.

I surprised myself with Chemistry, doing much better than I had expected. I am also looking forward to Biology. Out of nowhere the other day while figuring out what courses I would enroll in, this tiny voice said, "Tiff, what about after you finish up the preliminary 16 hours of Chemistry and Biology? What about organic chemistry and microbiology?"

Yikes! Who said that?? Who are you and what did you do with Tiffany? Three years ago Microbiology and Organic Chemistry weren't even part of my vocabulary. Microbiology and Organic Chemistry were concepts that existed in a galaxy far, far away.

The natural sciences are becoming my version of an endurance race. An academic marathon. I'm not sure of this curiosity comes from a place of genuine interest and love of learning or a desire to CONQUER. Obviously I am trying to prove something to myself, resolve a long history of insecurity when it comes to math and science. I kind of like it. Take that math and science! And shame on all those educators and guidance counselors who told me I was not very good in math and science and should focus on my strengths. A part of me thinks that perhaps that can be, at times, the wrong message to send. I think the appropriate message should have been, "well, you seem to be doing very well in your writing intensive courses and you have a strong interest in Journalism. I definitely think you should continue to pursue those interests when you get to college, but keep your mind open to other opportunities and interests and perhaps challenge yourself to a few science courses. Having a good foundation of the natural sciences will round out your education."

Either way, it's never too late to learn new things and grow one's intellectual capacity. We'll see how I really feel after next semester. If I'm still motivated, and after I take that last general Chemistry course, I may go ahead and sign up for some more and then maybe a little more. *gasp*

The old Tiffany that says, "um, maybe that'll be too hard," I kind of just want to tell her to "fuck off." Excuse the language, but sometimes I have to be slightly inappropriate to get through to her.

The second voice chimed in after a Dreamweaver CS4 training course. I've been working on building a Website for the office I work for. I was POSITIVELY INSPIRED when I left my training class. I am having so much fun learning web design and even a little HTML. I think building myself a new blog is in the future. Oh the POSSIBILITIES. I was reminded of how much I enjoy being creative. It really gets me excited. I've registered for two more advanced Dreamweaver courses, an advanced PowerPoint course where I will learn how to use music and video in my presentations, which is great for giving safety training. Us EHS folks need all the help we can get to keep our brilliant doctors and scientists engaged while meeting our regulatory requirements. I am also looking ahead at some Photoshop courses. The great thing is that all these courses are offered for free to faculty/staff and students. AWESOME. These professional development opportunities are satisfying my need to pursue my creative interests while building my background in the sciences.

And that is why I think I am still in limbo in terms what the heck I am doing with this career change business. There has to be a way to feed both monsters. The one who wants to learn about the environment AND the one that wants to live the life an artist. I am LOVING being back in school and working for a university. I feel at HOME and like the possibilities are endless.