A chocolate-covered slice of life

Enjoy with a cold glass of soy milk.

1. I walked half a mile, from my office to the Chemistry building with my backpack unzipped. I crossed two busy intersections and passed who knows how many people. No one mentioned that my backpack was totally open. I am actually surprised nothing fell out, like my scientific calculator! I felt embarassed when I noticed, especially because I was probably also talking out loud to myself while thinking through a future conversation. Laughed at myself, because what else can you do? Made me miss Texas, the friendly state, where an empathetic passerby may have kindly said, "Hey, your backpack is open."

2. Last night Gavin and I initiated Uncle Tyler into the joys of baby poop. Gavin had his first ear infection this past week and has been on antibiotics. The meds give him massive blow outs. Yeah, the kind that project from the butthole straight up to the shoulder blades. He never once shows any sign of discomfort. He's perfectly content covered in his own feces. He just smiles and coos and plays with his toys. Kind of reminds me of Pig Pen from Charlie Brown. When Gavin has his blowouts he goes directly to the shower, he does not pass go, he does not collect $200. Casey is in Chicago this week. It's just me, the poop machine and Uncle Tyler. Uncle Tyler holds poopy baby in running water while I clean poop. Uncle Tyler screams in horror, he's never seen such an explosion of poop. Gavin cries because Uncle Tyler screams. Mom cleans poop and comforts baby, chastises brother-in-law.

3. WARNING too-much-information straight ahead: Had a surprise pregnancy scare. Particularly surprising being that I have an IUD, the copper one. I start to experience every pregnancy sympton under the sun (irritability, lower back pain, morning sickness, fatigue, extreme "don't come near my food, because I may eat your fingers" hunger). I take a pregnancy test and get a faint positive. The FREAK OUT ensues. I start planning our home foreclosure and researching food stamps. Casey tells me to calm down and stop overreacting, everything will be fine and that I'm being dramatic. I go to the doctor to get an ultrasound. Relief washes over both me and the nurse when there is no sign of pregnancy, ectopic or otherwise. I freak out again when OB/GYN chuckles while he tells me one of his children was born "pushing out an IUD" and that I may just be too early in a pregnancy for it to show up on an ultrasound or I may be experiencing a chemical pregnancy. I figure I must be one of the 6/1000 women whose IUD fails. I also wonder why the doctor didn't tell me his hilarious story about how he and his wife got pregnant with an IUD before I agreed to getting one myself. I get a blood test, naturally the lab is closed for the day, and I have to wait until next day to receive results. I cry while rocking Gavin to sleep and apologize for possibly ruining his childhood. Hallelujah! The angels sing and the test came back negative. I start to feel a strange contrary mix of emotions, disappointment and happiness. I had already started convincing myself that I was having a girl, because I was experiencing morning sickness and never had that with Gavin. I had the colors of her nursery picked out.

In the end the test reveals I just ovulated. My hormones are just sending up a smoke signal letting me know they're still here. I hold up the middle finger and yell, "Hi guys! Why don't you go play in a busy street." I'm hoping this is just my body getting back on track and not the beginning of a trend where I feel pregnant right before every period. I can see it now, the nurses at the doctors office will say, "Oh, here's Tiff for her monthly pregnancy test, she must be about to start her period again." In the meantime I've started dicussing the benefits of celibacy with my husband.

4. Yesterday I had to make-up last week's Chemistry lab after staying home with a sick baby. Totally throws off my schedule and leaves me more frazzled than usual. I arrived at make-up lab 10 minutes late and begin feverishly working through an Acid/Base procedure. I get about half-way through and use all my base standard with no results, quickly realizing I forgot to add the indicator to the acid solution and consequently have to start over. Made me feel like Homer Simpson having a "Doh!" moment. My TA took pity on me and let me skip the last part of lab without penalty. I rushed back to my office to finish up some work, but stopped myself midway to buy a Snickers bar. Chocolate makes everything better.